I rarely get distracted when with clients. Being a therapist is typically an exercise in mindfulness for me in which I am in the moment in a purposeful way. A client referred to some disturbing news I had not yet heard. She shared it to make a point about why her partner was not available to her, quickly moving on to describe her own suffering, unrelated to the news that disturbed me. She saw a look of disgust on my face and thought I was reacting to something she was discussing. Fortunately she asked what I was thinking while telling me what she had surmised. I was able to admit I had gotten distracted, thinking about the horrifying piece of news she shared. She acknowledged the disgust related to the information. Our relationship was repaired. I was attentive to her again.
So much unintended can happen between two people in a short time, me repeating the painful pattern of her not being attended to by her partner within minutes of her sitting down. Despite the quick repair in our relationship, this occurrence left me feeling distressed. Though it can be tricky, it is easier for me to process "bad" news that affects me when clients bring it up and then want to talk about it. I am free to be with how the news affects them and that feels useful.
I let myself feel the distress and sadness that accompany acknowledging that my work refuge is disturbed by the ongoing onslaught of horrifying news about what is happening in our country. The challenges of working to better people's lives in my work, while simultaneously being overwhelmed by the significant trauma continuously imposed on vulnerable adults and children in our country are profound. I take some action by calling legislators, making donations and planning to attend a protest event. Still, my mind is searching for an anchor to hold all the chaos, to help me regain some balance from the compounded horror and helplessness. The words "reasonable hope" come to mind. I remember reading Kaethe Weingarten's article about reasonable hope. In the piece below she defines the concept for practical use. I begin using the words "reasonable hope" as a mantra when I need it as I extend my exhalation longer than my inhalation. I hope you find some sustenance breathing in these words as well. We can "do hope together". Because systems theory bring us hope. As crises create danger, they also create opportunity for fundamental change in the system.
In the struggle,
~Liz Brenner, Therapy Training Boston
REASONABLE HOPE By Kaethe Weingarten
How we think about hope has all to do with whether we can maintain our own.
Unlike Nietzche who wrote: “Hope is the worst of evils because it prolongs the torments of men,” I come down firmly on the side of hope’s significance. Hope confers many advantages but many ways of thinking about hope make it hard to feel and to sustain. I offer “reasonable hope” to this dilemma.
CHARACTERISTICS OF REASONABLE HOPE
The classic images of hope -- a butterfly, a rainbow, an undemanding bird that perches in one’s soul – set up expectations and standards that are without limit. Reasonable hope is both sensible and moderate, directing our attention to what is within reach more than what may be desired but unattainable. Hope refers to feelings one may or may not have. Reasonable hope is about something we do, preferably with others. Hope’s objective is most often placed in an eagerly awaited future, with the arc of time between the present and the future filled with anticipation. Reasonable hope’s objective is the process of making sense of what exists now in the belief that this prepares us to meet what lies ahead. With reasonable hope, the present is filled with working not waiting; we scaffold ourselves to prepare for the future.
So much unintended can happen between two people in a short time, me repeating the painful pattern of her not being attended to by her partner within minutes of her sitting down. Despite the quick repair in our relationship, this occurrence left me feeling distressed. Though it can be tricky, it is easier for me to process "bad" news that affects me when clients bring it up and then want to talk about it. I am free to be with how the news affects them and that feels useful.
I let myself feel the distress and sadness that accompany acknowledging that my work refuge is disturbed by the ongoing onslaught of horrifying news about what is happening in our country. The challenges of working to better people's lives in my work, while simultaneously being overwhelmed by the significant trauma continuously imposed on vulnerable adults and children in our country are profound. I take some action by calling legislators, making donations and planning to attend a protest event. Still, my mind is searching for an anchor to hold all the chaos, to help me regain some balance from the compounded horror and helplessness. The words "reasonable hope" come to mind. I remember reading Kaethe Weingarten's article about reasonable hope. In the piece below she defines the concept for practical use. I begin using the words "reasonable hope" as a mantra when I need it as I extend my exhalation longer than my inhalation. I hope you find some sustenance breathing in these words as well. We can "do hope together". Because systems theory bring us hope. As crises create danger, they also create opportunity for fundamental change in the system.
In the struggle,
~Liz Brenner, Therapy Training Boston
REASONABLE HOPE By Kaethe Weingarten
How we think about hope has all to do with whether we can maintain our own.
Unlike Nietzche who wrote: “Hope is the worst of evils because it prolongs the torments of men,” I come down firmly on the side of hope’s significance. Hope confers many advantages but many ways of thinking about hope make it hard to feel and to sustain. I offer “reasonable hope” to this dilemma.
CHARACTERISTICS OF REASONABLE HOPE
The classic images of hope -- a butterfly, a rainbow, an undemanding bird that perches in one’s soul – set up expectations and standards that are without limit. Reasonable hope is both sensible and moderate, directing our attention to what is within reach more than what may be desired but unattainable. Hope refers to feelings one may or may not have. Reasonable hope is about something we do, preferably with others. Hope’s objective is most often placed in an eagerly awaited future, with the arc of time between the present and the future filled with anticipation. Reasonable hope’s objective is the process of making sense of what exists now in the belief that this prepares us to meet what lies ahead. With reasonable hope, the present is filled with working not waiting; we scaffold ourselves to prepare for the future.
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