Location: Walker Center, Auburndale MA
Instructor: Terry Real, LICSW
For too many years, the treatment of men has been split between nurturing therapy – that is empathic to men but often neglects holding them as accountable as they should be – and confrontational therapy – which neglects underlying trauma. This workshop introduces both couples therapists and individual therapists to Relational Life Therapy – an approach that holds men accountably and empathically at the same time.
Terry will discuss and demonstrate how we can transform couples by deconstructing gender roles including:
- The choice between Intimacy and Patriarchy
- Why changing gender roles is changing couples
- The process of arriving and sharing the truth in couples therapy
- How most couples are set up for disappointment in modern relationships.
Under patriarchy, intimacy itself is coded as feminine. Intimacy is a chick flick. And we do with it what we do with many things feminine: we admire it in principle and devalue it in fact. We don’t teach our sons and daughters the basic relationship skills they need. Inevitably they are disappointed by their partners and marriages.
Patriarchy traumatizes all genders. This workshop looks at the difficult men who present themselves for therapy either on their own or brought in by their partners. We will look at common themes of trauma in many men’s lives and how best to handle men’s wounds therapeutically; how trauma often translates into overt and covert depression which in turn fuels many typically male issues of self-medication and either sexual or aggressive acting out.
We will look at the cultural context of Patriarchy – noting the Three Rings of Patriarchy: The Great Divide, (halving our human wholeness,) The Dance of Contempt, (misogyny’s essential role in traditional masculinity,) and The Core Collusion, (the refusal to tell truth to power and why.) The way we traditionally “turn boys into men,” is through disconnection – to themselves and others. The price of disconnection in boyhood is disconnection as an adult. And the healing focus for men in both couples and in individual therapy is reconnection – helping men move into increased empathy, accountability, and vulnerability.
Special attention will be paid to grandiosity in men and how to treat it.
- Participants will learn about the cultural context for individual trauma in men’s early lives.
- Participants will learn the differences between shame and grandiosity and how best to treat both.
- Participants will learn the differences between overt and covert depression and how best to treat both
Terry Real, LICSW, founded the Relational Life Institute (RLI), offering workshops for couples, individuals and parents around the country along with a professional training program for clinicians wanting to learn his RLT (Relational Life Therapy) methodology. A family therapist and teacher for four decades, Terry is the best-selling author of I Don’t Want to Talk About It: Overcoming the Secret Legacy of Male Depression (Scribner, 1997), the straight-talking How Can I Get Through to You? Reconnecting Men and Women (Scribner, 2002), and most recently The New Rules of Marriage: What You Need to Make Love Work (Random House). Terry knows how to lead couples on a step-by-step journey to greater intimacy — and greater personal fulfillment. A senior faculty member of the Family Institute of Cambridge in Massachusetts and a retired Clinical Fellow of the Meadows Institute in Arizona, Terry has worked with thousands of individuals, couples, and fellow therapists. Through his books, the Institute, and workshops around the country, Terry helps women and men, parents and non-parents, to help them create the connection they desire in their relationships.a
Introduction to men’s psychology – Understanding male issues of self-esteem; the interplay between shame and grandiosity; examining the Icarus myth – that men must leave relationship to achieve in order to be worthy of the very relational connection they have severed; understanding the Three Rings of Patriarchy.
11:30 am to 11:45 am
11:45 am -1:15 pm (90 min)
Men In Therapy: How to engage men, work with issues of grandiosity when present, form a true therapeutic alliance through Joining Through The Truth. First Videotaped excerpt will be shown.
1:15 to 2:15 pm
2:15 to 4:15 pm (120 minutes)
From loving confrontation to empowerment. The therapeutic use of self with men – allowing oneself to be used as an explicit mentor. Teaching men relationality – both how to think relationally and then teaching essential relationship skills. Dissolving symptoms and relational difficulties by reconfiguring masculinity itself – becoming a wholly new and different kind of man. Second videotaped excerpt will be shown.
Completion of workshop evaluations
- Real, Terrence (1997) I Don’t Want to Talk About It: Overcoming the Secret Legacy of Male Depression New York: Scribner.
- Real, Terrence (2002) How Can I Get Through to You: Reconnecting Men and Women. New York: Scribner
- Real, Terrence (2007) New Rules of Marriage, New York: Ballantine Books
Register by April 3 for early registration rate
Individual, regular $175.00
Individual Early registration $155.00
Group, regular $155.00
Group Early reg $135.00
Clinicians United $135.00
Five continuing education credits for Center for Self Leadership certification renewal have been approved.